Crawley Cineworld

…Should have waited for the DVD

Matt Butler

Crawley is perhaps the dullest place on earth. The buildings are grey. The sky is almost always grey. The people themselves are grey; they are a bit of a hit-and-miss kind of bunch. You often cannot decide if they are worth being friends with. To give you an idea, there are only three people in Crawley who I would consider my friends.

Not much praise for someone who was born and raised there for a time, eh? If you’ve been reading my previous articles, you should hopefully remember me stating that if you come from Horley like I do, Crawley is the place to go when you want clothes or more specific items. There is a massive county mall there, probably the only reason why I would ever visit – other than to meet up with those three previously mentioned friends.

Occasionally, I do go to Crawley to chill out with my family. In this case, that was the reason I decided to go to that hellish place.

There is a leisure park in Crawley where you can find a small square filled with restaurants. All chains are covered: Cheeky Nando’s, McDonalds, TGI Fridays, Bella Italia, Frankie & Bennies and Pizza Hut.  Most days, it seems McDonalds is about to implode due to the amount of people present there, some obese and some not so much.

It’s had a facelift! Sparkly.

The other two activities are a Cineworld and a Hollywood Bowl. Hollywood Bowl… you can eat there, if that is your wish. For me, I tend to avoid the chains if I can help it (‘cept maybe a Cheeky Nando’s. Everyone loves a bit of chicken!). I prefer a good hidden restaurant in town to find and eat at.

Hollywood Bowl is probably the place I visit most, to play the Pool with my ‘besties’ (I will never use that word again, I promise! *cringes*). The cinema I tend to despise. There is inevitably always a guy in there that you find yourself sitting next to, snacking away on his nachos and popcorn, who also doesn’t understand the concept of personal space. I only visit if a film piques my interest enough OR if I’m in good company. Last time I went was with one of my closest friends, Floss, to watch the new Captain America film (her favourite Marvel Character and I have to admit, it was pretty amazing too). This time it was the new movie Sausage Party, written for adults as a parody of Disney and Pixar. Basically, supermarket foods learn that when they leave, they become meals. Verdict: overrated, IMHO.

There are only a few moments I actually laughed at. Grey then, like the rest of Crawley. A Hit-or-Miss. If you think you’ll find it offensive, heads up – it’s meant to be. Some of it takes the mickey out of the Middle Eastern wars, Nazi Germany, and other sensitive subjects. Everything was very well acted; voice-wise and there were times when I didn’t realise who the voice actor was. It gets gory at times, with dying vegetables, and there are some very sexually analogous scenes.

Overall I enjoyed the night. It was good. But it wasn’t great. I wouldn’t go there again unless I see and like the look of a film. The company was the best part.

Peace and quiet for now…

And I’ve always learnt that the company you choose can make a crappy place much better. But for Crawley, it will take a lot (i.e. some smashing people) to make grey turn into white. There just isn’t enough there for me.

Fun little fact, the videogame Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate begins here.

I’d much rather visit past Crawley, circa 1800, than now…

Editor: Floss Hafter-Smith





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