£19.38: The Truth Behind Glaswegian Shopping
Currently being in the process of moving to Glasgow means that I have no money. As an Arts graduate, I’m doing my best to get used to not having a penny to my name and living like a very disappointing king on my overdraft. For this article, I shook open a piggy bank and made some nice little piles with the coins inside – and guess how much I had? Yep, £19.38! How ever did you guess? So, on £19.38 (which I rounded to £20, because c’mon) I took to the streets of Glasgow to see what treasures I could buy.
I started my journey at the top of Sauchiehall (“Sock-ee-hall”) Street and went down to the bustling High Street. Here’s what I found:
1 – DVD, The Queen.
2 – The Sims Unleashed, expansion pack.
3 – Doorknob.
4 – Apple topped headband.
5 – Tourist guide to Marrakesh.
6 – Bag, with glasses design.
7 – Deep scoop hem vest.
8 – Fedora
9 – Pink press on nails.
10 – Lighter.
Upon entering the great nerd chain CeX, I knew I would be able to find something astoundingly good value. Unfortunately for me, they must have just had a large shipment of FIFA games from some fanboys who had hopefully seen the error of their ways, so I hopped on over to the DVD section. What did I find? Well, my heart skipped a beat as I discovered the classic motion picture ‘The Queen’ (Helen Mirren is the true queen), and then moments later the expansion pack ‘The Sims Unleashed’. Now, I haven’t actually played The Sims Unleashed, but damn, it was 5p.
Next up is the wonderful shop for random crap, Tiger. To my great disappointment they don’t sell actually tigers, as they would make excellent pets (I would feed it and walk it, shut up!). They do, however, sell all manner of ‘quirky’ objects. I was inclined to agree when I saw a darling little doorknob, despite the fact all the doors in my life currently all have handles and open without trouble.
I next found myself browsing the clearance shelves of TK Maxx for some of the greatest and most confusing collections of interior design. These included: the letter A, a mounted turtle shell, a bust of Princess Diana (looks nothing like her), and what I’m calling ‘Pimp Skulls’.
To be honest, I’ve never wanted anything from TK Maxx more than a Pimp Skull, but by this point I didn’t have enough left in my £20 challenge to be quite that fly. So, what did I get to compensate? A tourist guide to Marrakesh, of course! According to the opening page, it’s a vibrant city and the last stop of the Mediterranean before the Sahara, just in case you were wondering.
By now my arms were full and a little something caught my eye – a shopping bag (93p more expensive than The Sims) to help me on my way. Thankfully, it was covered in a glasses design because of … reasons.
The final leg on my journey was to the jewel in the crown of the British high street – Primark. This truly profound establishment allowed me into the greatest fashion discovery of the last thousand years. Ladies and Gentlemen, watch for next September’s issue of Vogue, because you will find my discovery… the deep scoop hem vest and fedora combo! Nothing says ready to party and ready for business better than a hem so deep your nipple pops out (photo not included, you will thank me) and a formal hat.
With my final purchase, it was time to get Fab-u-lous! Hot pink press-on nails aren’t something I can say I wear a lot, but dammit, if I didn’t look fierce in them.
And so I was left with a bag full of glorious objects, and one last item to find. I fished into my pocket for the thing that started it all; a lighter, completing my journey around Glasgow for just £20.
Editor: Floss Hafter-Smith